Mistakes.

  Mistakes. They're something we all make time and time again. We make them individually, with a person, or in a group. We can never get through life without making mistakes unless we're Jesus. Then if we have the Holy Spirit in our hearts when we make those mistakes, there is the conviction, guilt, feelings of failure and disappointment in ourselves that we feel. These feelings stay with us until we somehow fix what we messed up.

  From my experience with my mistakes, it's hard to get rid of these feelings. What i mean, is that if we ask for forgiveness from the people we hurt we would hopefully be forgiven. Sometimes that doesn't happen. Sometimes we're stuck feeling sad and guilty because they didn't forgive us. We're stuck that way until they forgive us or realize that we did the right thing by apologizing and now it's up to them and yes we can feel sad, but don't feel guilty because we tried to resolve the situation. that's a case where those feelings could hang around.

  Then we definitely want to ask forgiveness from God. Now the thing is with that, when we ask for forgiveness from Him, we will be forgiven. That's what grace is there for. That's why Jesus died on the cross for us. So when we ask for His forgiveness, we can be assured that we are forgiven. Because the Bible tells us that "He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins."

  However, there is one more person we need to ask forgiveness of. Ourselves. that's the hardest one, i think, at least for me. I know I'm probably not the only one who finds it so difficult to forgive ourselves of what we've done. That's where the feelings are going to hang around. If we can't forgive ourselves, then we're going to be carrying that guilty feeling around until we do. It's hard. Because we feel like we've failed to the extent of wondering why anybody would forgive us and whether we are even worth forgiving. If we don't think we're able to be forgiven how are we going to forgive ourselves. It's hard. i know i struggle with forgiving myself when i make mistakes. I feel like i could never be forgiven and how in the world could i be forgiven. I struggle with this, but i have also begun to realize that there's so much freedom when we do forgive ourselves. Because then the guilty feeling goes away and we can look forward to the future. It's not something i do all the time, I'll be honest. It's something i struggle doing. I do know, however, that it is worth doing. If we can bring ourselves to do it.

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful an just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."      
                            1 John 1:9

"It is not an easy journey, to get to a place where you forgive people. But it is such a powerful place because it frees you."
                           Tyler Perry.

A "Difference" Choice

 Being different from the world is a choice. A choice we so rarely make. What is so bad about being different? Or is the issue we have, not that difference is bad, but that we are scared to be different? Being different is scary. It means being separate from the crowd, whether it be by the way we dress, live, talk, or act. It means people probably making fun of you because your different. It means putting yourself in the spotlight. Doing that is ridiculously scary.

 I can honestly say that I have always hated being in the public eye. I've always preferred to blend in and not be noticed. It is a whole lot easier for m. However, while in my Old Testament class this morning, my teacher was talking about how the Israelites never wanted to be different from those around them and that they kept trying to conform to the world. I then realized that that is exactly what everyone, including me, do. We try not to stand out, we try to "be normal". We try to do this, but this is actually opposite of what God is calling us to do. He is calling us to be different from the world. Being different by obeying His laws, listening to what He says in His Word, and being a light in a darkened world. He calls us to be a light, not another worldly man or woman. 

 I think all of this then poses the question: What do we do about it? There's no easy answer to this question. We stand out. It's hard to do, but it needs to be done. To be light to the world, we need to step out from underneath the bushel we are hiding under. So, I don't know about anybody else, but I need to step out. I need to be a light. I need to be who God wants me to be and I don't think that includes me hiding in a corner somewhere.

  "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
                Romans 12:2

"Burn Bright"

   "Burn bright." It's a tall order to fill. Most all people want to hide in their own little worlds and not bother with anything around us. We get pulled into the things of this world and leave behind the faith that is always there for us. We leave behind who we really are and put on the false identities of this world. Some of which are fear, anger, distrust, sometimes a face of perfectness or courage. By putting on these faces, we get pulled into the darkness of a world that wants to drown us. It wants to snuff out any light that even dares to shine. But the thing is, if we continue to shine, we pull through and it affects all other people around us. We show them the light of Jesus through us by not putting on the faces of this world. It's not easy. It seems like we start out being true to ourselves and Jesus, then something happens to pull us away. And it's not at all easy to resist. That's why I like this song by Natalie Grant. It reminds me to burn bright and that i continue to burn bright even in the darkness of this world. Even when i have lived in that darkness for years upon years. It's still possible to come out of the darkness and into the light. To show this world who we really are and who Jesus is.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Omfz2vhVmcw

"There's a Place for Us"

  All my life i have struggled with identity and where i belonged in this world. I was always trying to fit in. I was always trying to be who people wanted me to be. I did that so much that i realized that i no longer knew who i was. I thought i knew until a friend pointed out to me that i changed who i was depending on who i was with. He helped me realize that doing this was draining me of all that i had left. I started to look deep into who i thought i was and who people thought i was. I still don't know who i am, but the first step is to realize that you don't. I've done that. It would be wonderful if that was all that i had to do and that i could miraculously become who i am, but i can't. It's a process, as that friend kept telling me. It's not easy. It's tough. Especially after you have established who you are in other people's eyes. It's scary to try to change that impression. However, it's worth it. I've been searching for myself for years and have never found her. One day, i will know who i am. 

  One day i will also find a place where i actually belong. I've realized over the years that there is no place i will ever feel like i actually belong. I will always feel out of place. I think that comes with being a Christian. I don't belong in the world and I won't truly belong until i leave this world and enter into the gates of Heaven. I suffer with not belonging, but it's also a hope to me that one day i will belong. That "there is a place for us."


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpx07kW98fA


 
 

"Defying Gravity"

 People have dreamed of defying gravity many times over the years. Scientists have tried several ways to do it. They finally succeeded with all the flight mechanisms. What i think though, is that there are other ways to defy gravity and there are different types of gravities to defy. There's the gravity of fear, anger, hate, hurt, and stress. Most people would want to find a way to defy their own personal gravity. The thing is, most people don't know how to defy it. They just walk around with these burdens that weigh them down. They don't know the way out, either that or they are too scared to take that way out. We have to let go before we can fly. It's hard to let go but it's wonderful to fly. I'll be the first one to admit. I have a hard time letting go. It's difficult. But i am not ashamed of the fact that i have needed help with letting go. I'm getting that help, but it's not an easy road to travel down. But the end result of my heart being able to defy gravity and leap and and be filled with joy is so worth it. 
  I just wanted to share that with y'all. 

"I Have Been Changed For Good"

   
     We say goodbye to a lot of things. Family, friends, homes, pets, etc. You name it, we've probably said goodbye to it. And goodbyes hurt a lot. But something that I've begun to realize this past month, month and half, is that even though goodbyes hurt, they can also be learning experiences. I said goodbye and let go of a dear friend and wonderful person last month. It hurt. It was very difficult to carry on like nothing had happened. Like i hadn't lost a great friend. But i did. But through all of that, i realized that God was there holding me up and He is still holding me up. I realized that i wasn't going through this hard time alone. I had God and He supplied friends and cousins who helped me. What more could i ask for? Nothing. True,  I could ask for the pain to be removed and everything in my life to be restored, and i do. Every day it seems. But i also came to the conclusion that God's will is the best path that i can follow and He has a reason for allowing me to go through this. I'm not entirely sure what that reason is, but i know it's a good one. It may hurt at the moment, but that pain will ease in the years to come and God's reason will be revealed to me when the time is right. And i know that these experiences will make me stronger in my faith and build up the love, hope, and joy in my heart. And, honestly, that is what makes these experiences worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvWfHIo5-kU

Introduction to Me

   I'm not a writer. I'm not the best at writing, but i do love to put down my thoughts and share them with people. If your expecting poems and neatly crafted stories when you read this blog, then I'm sorry to disappoint you. This blog will probably be filled with weird or crazy incidents of my past and present. The things God teaches me will more than likely make it on here quite often too. 

   So, to introduce myself. I grew up overseas as a missionary kid in Africa. I was born overseas and have just recently moved back to the United States permanently to start college. I have two sisters, one brother, and a great brother-in-law and huge extended family consisting of 22 aunts and uncles and 50+ cousins. I'm studying Psychology with hopes to go on to get my Masters in Social Work. Little bits of my personality and life will come out in future blogs, so that's all i am going to say about myself right now.